February 1, 2016. Donald Trump tells a crowd:
There may be somebody with tomatoes in the audience. So if you see somebody getting ready to throw a tomato, knock the crap out of them, would you? Seriously. Okay? Just knock the hell— I promise you, I will pay for the legal fees. I promise, I promise. It won’t be so much ’cause the courts agree with us too.Not much later comes the famous sucker punch, after which Trump says he's "looking into" paying the puncher's legal fees. Shortly thereafter, he tells George Stephanopolous he never said any such thing, and he doesn't condone violence.
Scene: Someone, somewhere -- possibly V. Putin, or the mayor of some small town in California -- says Donald Trump is a liar, several of his wives have been ugly, and he carries Viagra and a tiny condom whenever he travels.
Trump: I'm gonna bomb that fucker back to the stone age. Get him when he's home with his kids. Gimme the codes. Gimme the goddamn nuclear codes and bring me the fucking button. Seriously, Chris, bring 'em. And if he won't do it, Ben, you child molester, you go get 'em. Now. Goddamn it. NOW!! Where's little Marco? Call General Boykin, you pipsqueak, and get his ass up here...
Trump, next day: That's a nasty question, Cokie. I've never condoned nuclear violence. That button-pushing didn't come from me, if someone pushed a button, I don't know. I'm a peaceful person, and everyone likes me. I haven't seen the pictures, so I don't know, but if there's a crater and if someone says there's nuclear contamination, I'd have to look into it. My people are good people. The best.
[The above conversations were translated from the original "Ingish" after being found in code, under rubble in the general location of what is believed to have been known then as the Pale Home of Amreekah, on the third planet in solar 839, many thousand circuits in the past. Whereas the recordings might provide insight into the disappearance of life on that planet, further investigations are unlikely, since researchers are pursuing evidence of intelligence at or above the level of our own, widely distributed throughout the galaxy. That life on one planet among so many thousands took such a singularly regressive turn is curious, but will not be investigated at this time. Obviously an aberration, it's not felt that useful information will derive from further study since contact with our equals holds so much more promise, and when there's no suggestion it could happen or has happened anywhere else.]
(The above is from the introductory paragraph of a six-volume essay written for a pre-school project by x2yå∂.)