Thursday, March 20, 2014

When Life Gives You Lemon...



I wrote a bunch of stories when I was, like, eight. My mom, of course, thought they were wonderful. They weren't. One of them was about a guy who stole a paper bag full of "nuquelar reactors." Reading it, one would be forced to conclude I didn't have the slightest idea what a nuclear reactor was, let alone how to spell it.

Which brings us to Don Lemon, of CNN. I don't watch CNN because, geez, even I have standards. And a sensitive stomach. I'd heard his name before, though, when he bravely came out as gay a while back. Silly liberal me, I thought that must mean he's a good guy.

He's an idiot.

According to what I see on the intertubes, he's been among the leading theorists regarding the disappearance of that plane. "Supernatural causes," he's wondered. Bermuda triangle kind of thing?

But now he's taking it to heights heretofore occupied only by the most breathless of crackpots, the least informed of our leaders: Sarah Palin and Michele Bachmann and Louis Gohmert and Paul Broun territory. Vacuoles of the brain like Swiss of the cheese. Mr Lemon wonders if it got swallowed up by a black hole. No shit. A black hole.

That would fit in a brown paper bag.

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If You Can't Persuade Them, Threaten Them

Well, of course he was kidding . I mean, after all, it's not like his entire career was one of bullying, suing, threatening, and lyin...