Squirmin' Wormin' Herman

His first political instincts were the standard ones: lie (cf: Anthony Weiner). But, unlike the successful ones, he didn't know when to stop.

1. Politico allegations are false. Story is crap.

2. Yes, there were allegations. But they were false.

3. Yes there were allegations that were false and I don't know what money was paid.

4. I don't know whether money was paid. And it would be wrong for me to find out whether money was paid because it's confidential.

5. There was a in-depth investigation. And I was cleared. But I don't know anything about it.

6. Here's the gesture that led to my getting accused of harassment.

7. Okay, I remember some discussion of a settlement number.

But, you know, even that isn't outstandingly outstanding for a politician. What's revelatory is the fact that he now denies he changed his story. That's so blatant you'd think even teabaggers would find it a bridge too for.

Yeah, right. Denying the obvious isn't a bug for teabaggers; it is, as they say, a feature. In these most serious of times, they're going for a clown. The last clown standing in a circus of clowns: Palin, Trump, Bachmann, Perry.

The most interesting part of the story, of course, is the response of the RWS™: they're outraged. Outraged!! It's all about the fact that liberals can't stand a black conservative. How hypocritical they are. How racist. Coulter and Limbaugh are melting down. Never mind that the story was broken by Politico, a right-leaning rag. Never mind that the only falsehoods so far demonstrated have been the ones produced by Herman Cain.

Reality demonstrates the exact opposite of RWS™ ravings, of course. Liberals actually are willing to see beyond race and call a spade a spade. (Yes, I know.) The guy's a con artist (ie, a motivational speaker) who knows nothing about economics or foreign policy or governance, and is proud of it. Rs think liberals shouldn't call out a black guy for saying stupid stuff; RWS™s are unwilling to. Which position is racially motivated? Moreover, Cain's 9-9-9 plan has been rejected as a joke by all sides. Until criticisms -- and accurate investigations of his past -- degenerate into racial epithets, calling it racism is pure ploy. (For an actual thoughtful conservative's view of Cain, read this. Guess the writer is a closet liberal racist.) The candidate is a joke; ergo, teabaggers love him.

Consider this: why would liberals want to bring down Cain? Let him be the nominee. If I were the praying type, I'd pray for it: it'd be ducks in a fish. In terms of credibility, he makes Sarah Palin seem like Abraham Lincoln. On the other hand, who's the most threatened by citizen Cain? Think it over. Heck, even Herman Cain isn't buying that liberals are behind it.

(For the record: I have no opinion about the charges against Herman Cain. True or false, sincere or dishonest; doesn't matter. It's the response, the instinctive ease with which he lied and changed his story and then, figuring he could say whatever he wanted to his gullible supporters, denied he ever did. To me, it's a defining test of seriousness, and of character. And of how he views the public.) (As if his "policies" haven't already demonstrated it beyond doubt.)