Take A Gander At The Goose

In the teapot of my state's capitol there brews a tempest. Among the seasonal holiday displays in the capitol building, which include a Christmas tree, a Nativity scene, a Menorah, there is for the first time an atheist entry. With the passing of each hour, the outrage grows. Posted by the Freedom From Religion Foundation, the sign has been stolen, found, and replaced at least once.

"It's offensive to my beliefs!!" say the offended. "Freedom of speech is one thing," says another, "but when it insults my religion, that crosses a line." (That one was on a TV news report.) "What is troubling is that by placing such a tablet on government property Washington state is contradicting the roots of the nation’s founding," says this guy.

I'm trying not to laugh.

In response to the insistence of religionists that Nativity scenes be allowed on public property, the courts have been very clear: government entities that choose to do so must make space equally available to other views. Bill O'Reilly's feigned (and altogether fatuous [see, he's the leader of the pack railing against the term "holiday" in place of "Christmas"]) outrage notwithstanding, the state of Washington and its governor are doing nothing but following the law. It's not enough for you to have your Christmas celebrated all over the nation in homes, churches, shops and malls? Fine. You wanna agitate to have it at your capitol, too? Okay. But then you have to accept the entirely democratic and constitutional consequence: other voices may be heard as well. Even offensive ones.

I find the shocked responses highly ironic: welcome to my world. As a non-Christian, I've always been mildly to moderately annoyed at these annual rites of rigidity. I love the decorated houses, the simple and elaborate displays everywhere. It's all but impossible for me to understand how the religious fail to see how insisting that their side gets onto the courthouse lawn is annoying to and/or disrespectful of and/or actually threatening to those of differing beliefs.

Now, one infers from those pained responses, at least a few people understand. Or would, if they had any sense of empathy. Or irony.

Which, clearly, they don't.

'Tis

Lo, the holiday season arriveth, which means the annual rituals of resentment are already in full flower, profuse poinsettia. Like candies at the check-out counter, offense is easily taken. "There's a war on Christmas," we are told, sulum annus, right on schedule. More than mistletoe and mulled wine, it's ubiquitous, indignation polluting the air like spray-on snow. Irate letters fill the op-ed pages, red-faced radio ranters and television talkers spew their righteous anger. There's war, alright. The liberals, the atheists, the Jews, the infidels, rolled into an all-purpose receptacle of rage, are vilified as threats to life itself. Killers, once again, of Christ. Sodomizers of Santa.

What bunch of caterwauling crap!

As surely as the earth has found its way anew around the sun, as predictable as Christmas sales before the turkey is cold, on cue we hear, rising and shrill, in high dudgeon, voices of those demanding Nativity scenes on courthouse lawns, at City Hall. Nothing is of higher import; society is at no greater risk -- our very existence is at stake! -- than from those who think creches and churches are a perfect match. May the joy of Christmas be upon us: Jab the Jews! Mash the Muslims! Bash the Buddhists! Heck with the Hindi! They'll hijack our holiday!!!

What a load of fabricated fury!

Where's the problem? The US has more churches per capita, and a lower percentage of atheists than any other Western country. Christmas is everywhere this time of year: can anyone deny it? So there are some merchants who -- because they think it's good business!! -- prefer to say "Happy Holidays" to their customers. So what? For that matter, what does all the selling and buying have to do with the birth of Jesus anyway? And in what way does the substitution of a phrase in your local mall prevent anyone from celebrating Christmas? Are there more churches in 2008 than there were in 1958? Do they have Christmas services? Is the Pope in the woods? If there's a war, who's winning?

If every church in every city in every state had a Nativity scene on its lawn, you couldn't drive five blocks without seeing one. They're everywhere. So why is it that some expect their governments to provide them as well? Well, as it turns out that's actually an easy one: those who demand it do NOT believe in religious freedom; they simply REFUSE to make the connection between respecting religion and keeping it separate from government. They don't get -- and they never will -- that separation is the greatest protection of religious freedom that there can be. Not to mention that it's generous towards one's fellow man. But they're not interested in that -- couldn't care less, matter of fact. What they ARE interested in is having THEIR religion prevail, officially, over all others. For some reason I'll never understand, it's not enough for them to be able to say "Merry Christmas" to whomever they want, to decorate their own houses and strew wise men over their lawns like fertilizer, to cradle the baby on the grounds of their church, in their homes, dangle him from their rear-view mirrors, slap him on their bumpers. They demand to see it in the public square, state buildings, stuck in the faces of everyone. Not only do they have no concern for those who believe differently, they'd like them to go straight to hell, thank you very much. Toss 'em down the hole themselves. O'er the coals we go, laughing all the way.

There's no war on Christmas. What there is, among some people, is sensitivity to diversity of thought. If there's any degradation of the significance of Christmas, it's by those who seek to cash in on it, whether commercially or by their circumsolarcyclical and well-compensated rants. Those who don't celebrate it -- let's pretend I speak for them all -- have no problem with others who do. Hell, I like seeing nativity scenes on church lawns. If someone merrychristmasses me, I merrychristmas 'em right back. And I can harmonize on Christmas carols better than anyone I know. But Jesus people! Where's the harm in drawing a line? Just for this four weeks, pretend you give a damn about the rest of us. Make like you not only love America, but the people in it. Have your Christmas; pray it, sing it, spend it. Fall on your knees and hear the angels' voices. Jingle all the way. But:

In the spirit of the season, wish everyone well. If a merchant wants to make his money by refraining from exclusivity, let him. Go shop somewhere else if you must. Don't scream bloody myrrhder. Use a little common frankincense. You have your church, your home, your friends' homes; you have your Christmas Tree Lanes. Carols are in the elevators, on the radio; Charlie Brown and everyone else has a Christmas special. Twenty four hours a day you even have your own Christian cable. Several of them. Hell, you can even pray online! So when you look at your city hall and don't see a creche, be glad you live in America. Consider it a gift to yourself, from all the rest of us.

Open it any time you want.

And Merry Christmas!

[Update, 12/3: this should make at least one of my commenters happy!]

[Maybe this, too.]