Friday, February 27, 2009
This is a true story about a guy who for many years, as law enforcement busied themselves with other things, was allowed to get away with shoving knives into the bellies of literally thousands of people. Many were hospitalized for several days afterward. Some died. And yet, while Bill Clinton was in office, this person ran free. Not only ran free: actually increased the number of people whom he remorselessly cut open, watching coolly as their guts, shockingly often, spilled out of the holes he made. It was public knowledge, yet the entire Clinton administration looked the other way.
Oh wait. That was me. Never mind.
Blissfully unaware of the stench of flop-sweat around them, Republican leaders and their usual enablers are sifting through Obama's proposals, looking for ideas to ridicule. Reduced mostly to making stuff up, they seem to be having a hard time finding actual items. Now, it seems, they've got one, and it's a doozy: tattoo removal. Barack Obama wants us taxpayers to pay for tattoo removal! The bastard.
I know what I see: buncha skinny Hollywood types, fancy boob-jobs, lining up for a freebie, on our dime. Changing tattoos every year like they change their Ferraris. It's outrageous!!
Oh wait. The money is for a program hailed by liberals and conservatives alike. Helping people get out of gangs. Reducing crime. Improving lives, finding jobs. Never mind.
Meanwhile, CPAC meets and Republicans fawn, as they parade to the podium and cheer for people who call for nuking Chicago, and who question Obama's birthplace. Again. This is who they've become; the only ones left.
They say sunlight is cleansing. You'd think, like Bavarian bloodsuckers (taking territorial liberties for alliterative reasons), Republicans like this would prefer the shadows. Yet, under pressure from a President who appeals so broadly, they keep exposing themselves, willingly, in panic. Michael Steele, Michelle Bachmann. Newt, Sean. On it goes. A parade of pathetic and pallid promoters, proudly producing pitiful and pusillanimous pronouncements and putrid punditry, proclaiming pork in purple prose, plainly projecting their party on a perplexingly purposeful path to political poverty.
Really, can't they see how silly they look? As the public rallies around Obama and his agenda in ever-increasing numbers, do Republican leaders actually think it's a winning strategy to oppose him so reflexively, without providing anything positive? Just the same ideas that have been shown to have failed, and have been rejected? To be seen only as nay-sayers, and to do so so laughably?
But, hey, who am I to tell them to wise up? If they want to keep digging, I guess the bipartisan thing is to hand them their shovels.
My next newspaper column: “Being president doesn’t change who you are. It reveals who you are.” (Michelle Obama.) The same can be sa...
Here comes my next newspaper column: Once upon a time, most Republican members and leaders had integrity. Believed in science. Consi...
Tomorrow's newspaper column: Bullet points for Trumpists: · Trump said he’d protect Medicare and Medicaid. His budget cu...
Tomorrow's newspaper column , today: Kicking off a multi-million-dollar campaign to sell their cheaply-bought, self-enriching, midd...
My upcoming newspaper column: Wow. Is there any chance on God’s green earth or in the hot brimstone of Hell that a single Republica...