Tuesday, January 6, 2009
Finally, an opportunity to discuss something really big. Enough with economic collapse, the heck with wars; this makes small even the gargantuan failures and deceptions of George Bush. And it's good news (well, there's some bad news, too): In cosmic terms, we're number one.
Thought to be second to Andromeda, the biggest known galaxy in our corner of the Universe, the Milky Way has been re-calculated. It's at least as big. Whoo hoo! The sun is circling the center of the universe* at a brisk 600,000 miles per hour, which is 100,000 miles per hour faster than previously thought (and using less gas?) For reasons I'm not at liberty to share, this means the mass of our galaxy is 50% greater than previously believed. This might explain -- or at least excuse -- the weight gain many of us have been experiencing.
I'm always suspicious of nationalism; it seems to me an excuse for ignoring some issues, and for slandering dissenters. But this is big. Really big. So:
In your face, Andromeda!!!
MIL-KEY WAY, MIL-KEY WAY, MIL-KEY WAY!!!!!
[The bad news: we might collide with Andromeda a few billion years sooner than thought. Whatever. I'm still feeling good.]
[*Correction, as pointed out by my astronomer friend, Dougie: it's circling the center of the galaxy, not the universe. Picky, picky. A few gazillion light years? Who cares? We're number oneish...]
My next newspaper column: “Being president doesn’t change who you are. It reveals who you are.” (Michelle Obama.) The same can be sa...
Here comes my next newspaper column: Once upon a time, most Republican members and leaders had integrity. Believed in science. Consi...
Tomorrow's newspaper column: Bullet points for Trumpists: · Trump said he’d protect Medicare and Medicaid. His budget cu...
Tomorrow's newspaper column , today: Kicking off a multi-million-dollar campaign to sell their cheaply-bought, self-enriching, midd...
My upcoming newspaper column: Wow. Is there any chance on God’s green earth or in the hot brimstone of Hell that a single Republica...