Tuesday, August 14, 2012

One Hand Clapping


During my government-funded year in Southeast Asia, fending off the yellow hoarde, keeping our fighting men fit for duty and the world safe for what's become of democracy, I treated a lot of venereal diseases (in Vietnam, not so much; in Thailand, where I spent my last couple of months, daily), some of which I'd barely heard of. Granuloma inguinale, chancroid, lymphogranuloma venereum. Secondary syphillis. Gonorrhea, of course, was numero uno. It led to one of the more amusing medical interchanges I had:

GI: Hey, doc, you know the clap you treated me for? It's back.

Me: You got the drip again?

GI: Yep.

Me: Okay, let's have a look.

GI: (drops his pants, exposing his underwear, with a salad-plate sized aromatic, moist, glistening green scum on the front.)

Me: Wow, that's a hell of a drip, all right.

GI: Yeah, and that's just since Thursday.

(It was Tuesday.)

I bring this up because of an article I just read, apropos to those times, when rumors of The Black Clap were rampant: a version of the clap so deadly, so untreatable, that those that had it were shipped to an island in the China Sea, never to be seen again. On the intake lectures I used to give (it included how to deal with cobras), I addressed it by saying, "It's not true. I've been to the island and it doesn't exist." And handed out condoms.

Well, if the island never existed, the black clap is on our doorstep, a mere four decades later.

So, yes, getting gonorrhea now means that you have to go in and get antibiotics through a needle. And then everyone with whom you've had sex in the last 60 days has to get tested, too.

Once gonorrhea becomes resistant to the last of our cephalosporin antibiotics -- "it's only a matter of time," according to Dr. Gail Bolan, Director of STD Prevention at the CDC in today's announcement -- we will have no treatment. Then when it gets into your bloodstream, it will be lethal.

I always have this sense that someone will figure it out before that time comes, but there is very little research and development going on right now in this area.

No particular point to bringing this up, other than to take our minds off politics for a minute, even if it means thinking about a guy wearing his underwear soaked with green pus for at least five days.

On the other hand, like it or not, it might also get us thinking about the consequences of Rs efforts to block President Obama from mitigating cuts to the CDC (he'd already cut it significantly, truth be told), and how eventually it might even affect people who don't screw without condoms. Consider it an exemplar of radical domestic budget-cutting in so many other areas, to pay for tax cuts and aircraft carriers.


3 comments:

Frank Drackman said...

Ahhh, finally something we can agree on...
V-D...
and you might have treated my Dad...makes ya think...
and maybe its TMI, but I, Frank Drackman, caught the Clap.
No, not last week, 1981.
And she was such a NICE girl..a Black Haired Beauty with Big Dark Eyes, and points of her own, sitting way up high*...
Maybe that "Property of the Rattlers" Tramp Stamp should have been a hint...
and NO, I didn't use a Con-Dom(We called em' "Dick Covers" in 81')back then you could only get em in Seedy Truck Stop Bathrooms, this was Ali-Bama after all..
The Condoms I mean, girls like Lee Anne were everywhere...
and before I'd really recovered from the post-coital hangover I was beatin feet down to the Auburn Student Health Center..
And even with a Chief Complaint of "Someone pulled some barbed wire out of my D***" I sat for a good 3 hrs before they injected Mayonaise into both Ass-Cheeks.
Oh, they said it was something called "Bi-Cillin" but it felt like Mayonaise...
but till this day I learned my lesson...
If you're(!)gonna do the nasty with a Truck Stop Lizard make sure,
umm I mean, have sex only with one monogynous partner in a communited relationship..

Frank "Once bitten, Twice shy" Drackman

*Bob Sieger "Night Moves" 1977

Sid Schwab said...

Hope you got your money back.

Anonymous said...

Never had an STD, but dear doG, this scares the hell out of me. My wife works in a library and gets exposed to everything, and once or twice a year she'll get sick enough to merit medical attention. She has asthma, but got a cough which had her physician running TB tests - turns out we have a bunch of drug-resistant TB in our local homeless population. Scary, especially when you take into account that it has the potential to spread into the 'normal' community because both groups are heavy library users.

It seems as though we've abrogated the social contract.....and it's the reason why I support universal healthcare, Canadian-style. Besides being ethically right (IMHO), blatant self-interest suggests that it's better to have treatment for all early on rather than having to deal with the aftermath of a pandemic....

- matt (who has occasionally written before).

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