Thursday, September 29, 2016

I'm Gonna Be Rich

I'm working on a plan to make a lot of money. I'm gonna set up a website for sending thoughts and prayers with just a couple of clicks. Because why not make it even more effortless? Sure, Facebook makes it pretty darn easy, but it's kinda impersonal, right?

My site would have options for the object and the subject: families, friends, victims and stuff; shooting, injury, cancer, etc. "Other" ought to work, too. And there'd be the ability to send just thoughts or just prayers. Maybe I'll toss in choices of deities to whom the prayers would be directed; maybe a list of expected or desired results.

Pictures of flowers and teddy bears would be a nice touch. No need even to travel to the location to deposit them or spend full price. Click, click, message sent, tastefully decorated and sincere.

I suppose providing a choice of thoughts would require too many clicks. "Thoughts" pretty much covers it; specificity is too effort-intense. Prayers? Not sure if it'd be worth making people choose. For healing, or cure, or even that the entity to which the prayers are directed might retroactively prevent the particular tragedy in question. Too much of that might generate uncomfortable questioning of the entire concept of prayers. Not good for business.

I'm thinking of allowing reduced charges for groups. Somewhere around $1.50 to start, $1.25 per person for groups of ten or more. Maybe get down to a buck apiece for a whole churchful. There'd be an option to make it repeat daily or some other time interval until the thoughts are effective and/or the prayers answered. Also, the user would have the option to feel even better by paying a voluntary surcharge, part of which I could donate somewhere.

Now I need to come up with a good name.

[Image source]


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