Sunday, June 20, 2010

It's All Over

Finally. No more oil leak, no more dead animals; the beaches and marshes shall gleam. It's amazing no one thought of it until now; not, at least, as official policy.

State senators designated Sunday as a day for citizens to ask for God's help dealing with the oil disaster.

"Thus far efforts made by mortals to try to solve the crisis have been to no avail," state Sen. Robert Adley said in a statement released after last week's unanimous vote for the day of prayer. "It is clearly time for a miracle for us."

The resolution names Sunday as a statewide day of prayer in Louisiana and calls on people of all religions throughout the Gulf Coast "to pray for an end to this environmental emergency, sparing us all from the destruction of both culture and livelihood."

Haul in ye the boom, send forth to their homes the cleaners of the beaches. Uncap ye the gusher, invest ye in BP. For the day of healing is nigh. Raise ye your voices and thank ye your Father, for it is His day.

Fathers' Day.

Our father, who... leaketh His crude, killeth His birds, and screweth the fishers of His flock. Hallowed be Thy name. Thy pollution be done. For thine is the kingdom, the (carbon-based) power, the gooey, forever. Amen.

What a guy. He'll keep pounding those pelicans, shredding the shrimpers, mangling the marshes, corroding the coastline until enough people ask him to stop. Or so those silly solons must believe.

And yet this is exactly the direction in which Sarah Palin, former half-term governor, and Glenn Beck, rescuer of the tin-foil industry, want to take us; and in which the teabaggers can't wait to follow. How to prevent it?

Let us pray.

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