Friday, July 20, 2012
Plumb Tuckered Out
I've never thought much of Tucker Carlson as a journalist or pretty much anything else, but I gotta hand it to his HuffPo wannabe, The Daily Caller, which has come up with the scoop of the century. Turns out Obama nominated, to that seat of incredible power behind the power known as the Bureau of Labor Statistics, a woman who once sent her kids to camp. Yep. Pick yourself off the floor.
Well, okay, I've been a little coy: hold onto your yarmulkes: it was Jewish camp. One which, at its start in the 1920s -- the nineteenfricking twenties!! -- was founded by a bunch of lefties. That bitch. Is all I can say.
Now, as one who happens to have had a life-altering experience at Jewish camp myself, I know whereof he implies, and I can only say, dayenu. It's the poison pill, the lethal latke, the blow-it-up borshch. (That, based on the Russian борщ, is the right spelling, by the way.) Obama is toast. Kreplach. He's a sinking matzo ball in a sea of tsuris. Rush couldn't do it; Sean will never do it. But the what's-he-taking-to-stay-that-way freakishly prepubescent Tucker has found the schmoking schmeckle. She sent her kids to camp. She sent her kids to camp!!
Okay, maybe I'm missing the super-serious point in being snarky. After all, these are Jews we're talking about. They invented the bomb, they explained the universe (hint: it wasn't like the Bible), they killed Jesus, ferchrissakes. (Have to admit I've never gotten that last one: it was part of god's plan, right? Jesus dying is the most central point of Christianity -- besides which, he didn't really die. So if it's true that Jews killed him, why the fuss? If no one had been god's instrument, where'd Christians be today? But I digress.) And, as a guy I used to know told me before his descent into incoherence made him impossible to understand, Jews have always been collaborators. (Or was it corroborators? Who knows?)
So, thanks, Tucker. When all else fails, there's always antisemitism to fall back on. Sort of makes everything I've been saying about the right-wing crazies seem a little mild. Go out there and vote for the other guy, conservatives. These are your people. Meanwhile, you've succeeded in making yourself a laughing stock even for a few on your side.
And that's saying one hell of a lot. From one hell of a lot.